No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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