Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
