his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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