"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
