My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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