what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
