he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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