I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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