i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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