Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
