At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
