You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
accomplished twins. life is a go
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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