To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
