I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
