"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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