But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
