I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
