Christians are straight up FREAKS
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
