Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
