How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
