I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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