you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
