Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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