There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
