is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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