i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
