is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
