stop calling my apartment porn island.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
