i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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