I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
