i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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