My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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