matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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