I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
