I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
