you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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