i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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