So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
