there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
