i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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