Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
