Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
