I need help removing her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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