i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
