It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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