He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
