my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
