Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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