Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm really busy with my period
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