I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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