I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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