She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
